All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
