and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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