how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
