My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
