Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
