I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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