If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
