the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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