Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
