Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
