ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
