it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
