i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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