You're so nebulous sometimes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
