Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
