Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
