i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
