Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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