Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
