PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dont even know how to be here
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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