Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The struggles of a small town man whore
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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