I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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