Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
