I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
