The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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