You smell like stripper and shame
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
