She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
