he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
