i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So many bounce houses so little time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
