He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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