I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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