sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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