1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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