I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You can't special order awesome
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
