just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i came on her dog
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
