i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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