I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
