Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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