Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
