I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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