so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
