Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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