just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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