Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize