Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
