Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
a search helicopter?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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