They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
