How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
