mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
