awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
