Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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