i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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