I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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