If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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