I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
