She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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