She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
