so let's talk penis.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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