Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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