Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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