I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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