just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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