party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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