wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
