"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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