there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
