hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
