The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
