We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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