I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
