Betty ford says i'm here all night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
