the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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