These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
